Menu Variety 101

Denman Street is a very long street. I should know. I walked all the way along it in the rain in search of food in Vancouver, B.C. My mum and I could have gotten food easily, on Denman there are two pubs, two Phó joints, a Burger King and Fat Burger (both I didn’t think very much of), three noodle spots, and tons of Thai places. Also on the street there were two barbers, one hair stylist, a creepy motel, a jewelry store, a grocer’s called “No Frills”, a small post office, a bank, and many other useless stores. We could have gone to any of the food outlets, but we wanted a real good all-Canadian breakfast. I didn’t think Burger King was all Canadian-ish and neither did mum. Three blocks or so later, we finally came across a place called Milestones.

Milestones has a great view of the sea. From where we are sitting, you can see all the way over English Bay almost to the University of British Columbia, where I want to go to school. Now a waitress is coming up with the menus and as she puts it in front of me, I groan, “no way”. When are people gonna stop treating me like a little kid? She gives me a kids menu. Let me list out everything that’s on the menu for you. Pasta, Chicken Fingers, Mini Burgers, and Grilled Cheese. If these people think kids will enjoy the lack of variety on the menu, then they are sorely wrong, and if you think that I am going to do a review on all-Canadian Chicken Fingers, then you are mistaken. I am ten years old. Not four. At least the adult’s menu is pretty long. Mum and I will have to share the menu again. Let me tell you, this happens ALOT. Luckily, back home at Molly’s Restaurant they always give me an adult’s menu …

I scan the sheet and quickly set my eyes on the “Chorizo Manchego Omelette”. I make my order, and mum and I talk, and take sweet pics with her phone, like “selfies” and “us-fies” (us-fies are selfies with more than one person. I think I made that term up).

After a long wait (and many more sweet pics) my food comes! And it’s cold. And shaped like a taco. It doesn’t look much like an omelette but I dive in, and find an explosion of flavor, including spinach. Way too much spinach, which is all wilted. The omelette is very textured, though, consisting of a very flavorful mix of things (except for all that spinach).

The spinach wasn’t the only thing that this omelette had too much of. There was also the Chorizo sausage. Chorizo is very powerful, and if you put too much, it can ruin your meal. Luckily, this amount, though too much, isn’t enough to ruin the meal.

The spinach is, though. Am I talking too much about spinach? There was just so much spinach. I can’t stop tasting spinach on my tongue. I may sound like a little kid whining about his vegetables, but seriously, if you ever go here, ask them to put less spinach.

Now lets talk about how, as I already said, the omelette is taco-shaped. It is an eggshell-type shape that is wrapped taco-style around the spinach and sausage. The egg is not too dry, and not runny. If the egg is runny, your omelette turns into a soggy, eggy pile. And if it is too dry, then the chorizo REALLY takes over, and you will have to keep going for water. This egg is perfect.

I will now move on to my toast. Nicely browned, and crunchy, the way I like it. To be honest though, anyone can make good toast. I am looking around my plate in search of butter. I find jam. Ok, jam is good too. Now I am getting a better look at it … and wishing I had butter. This is the super low, low, low quality raspberry jam that is bright red and might as well have a big sticker on it that says  in capitals: “Lots-o-dye and artificial flavors and preservatives!” So I think I will move on to the tater tots.

At the school cafeteria, the tater tots are always cold and taste like goop that has been scraped off the bottom of some disgusting alien’s shoe. Therefore, I am not very excited at the thought of eating these. At least they don’t look like they have been pre-chewed just for me, like they do at school. They are crispy on the outside. I am going to just pop one in my mouth… To find that these are the best tater tots I have ever had, not to mention the best part of this meal! Crispy on the outside and crispy on the inside too! It is melting in my mouth, like candy to a five year old. This is how to make heaven look like a tater tot.

I gorge all of mine and then start eating mum’s. I have finished  my meal and the waitress comes to take my plate away, and I wish I had more tater tots. That, for the most part, sums up my first meal in Van. I hope you enjoyed these 923 words of food wisdom, and please stick around for my next post!

Tip: If you order this, remove all excess spinach. But don’t order this. It wasn’t all-Canadian, anyway!

Rating: 6.5 (extra 4 points for the tater tots)

 

 

12 thoughts on “Menu Variety 101

  1. Oops, I hadn’t looked at the pictures at full size. Now I see it was jam in little plastic packs. Okay, whether or not there is artificial color in there, I’m going to admit it doesn’t look like top notch BC jam. I withdraw my comment about rain on the brain!

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  2. M, how about instead of “usfies,” “wefies”? On to the food. I don’t get how you complained that the spinach was wilted. Shouldn’t spinach be wilted in an omelette? Outside of a dedicated spinach salad, when wouldn’t you want your spinach wilted?

    On this review, I think the rain had gotten to your head. From everything else you write about what Milestones offers, I am willing to bet you big time that their jam was real jam, sans food coloring. After all, nearly 90% of all Canadian raspberries are grown in BC. (Seriously: see http://www.red-raspberry.org/info/ira_canada_ridc.pdf.)

    Perfect eggs and perfect tater tots and jam that probably was great but you assumed, unfairly, that it had to be artificial and you only gave 6.5? If you are too harsh a critic, you are going to lose the trust of your audience! 🙂

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  3. Henry – you’d better be careful – Milestones might file a lawsuit for defamation! Can you imagine – a lawsuit against a ten year old! Great review. The omelette didn’t sound super. Keep writing!

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  4. Hey Henry
    loved your post! I have been to milestones in Van. and I couldn’t agree more… GUI and I sent a meal back there, but the view IS spectacular. You are becoming much too sophistatacted for tourist traps! Trouble here in Arizona is that GUI always thinks we eat better at home and sometimes I like to go out! In Arizona they are inclined to use way too much of everything ,not just spinach,the other day I had a salad that was mostly balsamic reduction( delicious in small quantities ) You and I need to get together and cook up a storm.
    My love to you ,Nate and all. Keep up the great reviewsNan

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